Let Him Go
by Pockets Full Of Stars
Summary: Rayna takes Deacon to rehab for the fifth and final time knowing in her heart she has to let him go, but when she tells him she'll wait for him he's excited for the future. On his day of release, shes outside waiting, but things have changed drastically. How will Deacon react to her numerous bombshells?
1. Chapter 1

**This idea just randomly came to me one night, so i thought i'd write it. I know many others have written stories surrounding this, but its such a huge part of Deacon and Rayna's relationship. I would have loved the show to have done a flashback to the moment Deacon found out about Rayna's pregnancy and upcoming marriage to Teddy, because it really would of given us an insight into that time of their lives. Reviews are always appreciated. Thankyou.**

* * *

It was a hot Nashville summers day, a slight breeze made the heat bearable. Rayna pulled up outside the rehab clinic, a different one from the four previous times.

"Well, this is it." she said, not daring to look at Deacon in the passenger seat in case she broke down.

"Fifth time lucky, huh?" he softly spoke as he gathered his bag and opened the car door. The heat hit them both like a train.

Rayna knew in her heart that this would be more of a goodbye. She couldn't wait for him any more, she couldn't be the distraction that was holding him back from getting better. She hated the thought of telling him that in case it ruined his chances of really trying to beat this disease. She had found this clinic online a few days ago and read the reviews - all were positive. This was the last time she was ever going to try and help Deacon, because all four times previous, it hadn't worked. She was starting to think this was how he would be forever, and that broke her heart.

It all began after Vince's death. He blamed himself and he had never relieved himself of that burden, no matter how many times Rayna or anyone else for that matter told him otherwise. He was the one who made Vince drive drunk so he was the one who caused his death - according to him. The drinking had completely gotten out of control to the point Deacon would come home drunk almost every single night, sometimes he wouldn't come home at all. Rayna would lay in bed frantically praying that he was still alive. That she wouldn't wake up to a call that he was dead and that she had to identify his body. It was constantly on her mind and she hated it. She loved him, but this disease was destroying him and her at the same time.

"So, ill see you when i get out?" he said, like he always did. He never really thought of the impact all this was having on Rayna, because he was so caught up in himself. He thought Rayna would just stick with him no matter what, and no matter how he acted.

Rayna hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should break his heart now, or just give him that hope that she'll be here on his release day. If she was honest with herself, she probably would be here when he walked out of those doors, but she would be telling him that she couldn't wait for him. "yeah, course." she said.

He placed a hand on her cheek, gently moving her hair out of the way in the process. He placed his lips upon hers, softly kissing her. "i'm sorry, baby."

She believed he was sorry, but she knew it was a constant cycle. He couldn't escape this disease, and he would continue saying sorry for the rest of their lives if she didn't let him go. "i know you are. Oh babe, i know you are." she sighed. "you need to fight this, and you need to win, okay?"

He nodded before picking up his bag and giving her one last kiss goodbye. He believed she would wait for him again. He'd bought her a cabin up by the lake so they could spend the rest of their lives with one another, and he truly believed that would be the case. He believed she would never give up on him.

Rayna stood on the spot, watching him turn away from her. A tear fell from her eye and she quickly swiped at it, not wanting to let this break her any more than it already has. She _wanted_ to wait for him, but she just _couldn't_.

He turned to face her once more, giving her a slight smile. "Thankyou." he mouthed. He could see the pain in her eyes and it broke his heart. It was the moment he finally realised just how much this was ruining her. How much _he_ had ruined her. He turned back around and focused on the destination in front of him, the big building which he would be in for the months ahead. He had no idea how long he'd be in there, but he knew he had to stay until he was fully comfortable with his sobriety and then he could walk out of those doors and into Rayna's loving arms.

She watched as he opened the door to the building and disappeared inside. That was it. She had let him go. The hardest part of all, was that she was pregnant with his baby, and he had no idea. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't put her child through what she had gone through, not while he was like this. She wasn't sure if she would tell him when he got out, but right now she thought this was the best way to let him go.

She made her way back to her car, and it smelt so strongly of his cologne - her favourite one. Her tears began to fall, and they wouldn't stop. She felt so much pain this time around and she knew that was no doubt because not only was she letting him go, but she was also forcing her..._their_ unborn child to let him go. It wasn't easy for her to make this decision, but she knew in her heart it was the best one. She couldn't bare to sit here and stare up at the centre for much longer, so she drove away in hopes this time around it would work. That the next time she saw him, he would be a happy, sober deacon. The Deacon she knew he could be.


	2. Chapter 2

8 months later...

Today was the day he was getting out of rehab. He had called Rayna a few days ago to tell her, and she told him she'd be there. He had been excited, telling her he couldn't wait to see her - to kiss her. He was oblivious to what was to come.

In the past eight months, Rayna had decided to be with Teddy Conrad, the man who was her safe choice, who was the complete opposite of Deacon. She had told him that she was pregnant, and she was pretty confident it was Deacons, to which he never argued. They had both decided to do a paternity test once the baby was born, just to be sure. Teddy had also mentioned they should get married, to make it all official. He was traditional, Rayna was not, but she wanted to let Deacon go as much as she possibly could, and she felt this was the only way to tie herself completely down.

"Babe, i'm gonna head out an run some errands today, you know, grab some last minute stuff for the baby - for my hospital bag." she said to Teddy as he fumbled around with a build it yourself cot. They were setting up the nursery now, so they didn't have to do it when the baby arrives.

"Okay, ill come with you." he smiled.

"Oh, no no, i wont be long, and i kinda could do with some time on my own if i'm honest. Its gonna be hectic once baby arrives." she places her hand on her huge belly. The truth was, she was going to collect Deacon from rehab. There was no way she could tell Teddy that without him flipping out over the situation.

"Well just be careful, okay. Dont strain yourself, we dont want an early birth." he explained in his oh-so-formal ways.

"Yes boss." she laughed as she got herself ready. She had a pair of maternity leggings on, with a long top that covered her bump, plus a long jacket that was big enough for her to hide everything with. She threw on a pair of her cowboy boots, grabbed her hand bag, kissed her soon-to-be husband before heading out the door.

On the way to the rehab facility she felt nervous, and for good reason. She had been with Deacon for eleven years, and he was apart of her. He was in her blood. She knew seeing him again would bring back all those emotions that she's been trying so hard to store away for the past 8 months, but she had to do this. She couldn't avoid him forever.

She pulled into the parking lot. It was an over cast, cold day, which she was so thankful for considering she could wrap in all these layers to hide her bump. She was huge, but she wasn't huge to the point of not being able to cover it up. She hopped out of her car, and leaned against the front of her bonnet - waiting. She knew that any moment now, the man she has loved since she was 16 would be standing right in front of her.

10 minutes later, and there he was. The door swung open and out Deacon came. He saw her almost instantly and his face lit up. He made his way over to her, and noticed in her eyes how they were full of pain, but healing. She was healing.

"Hey." he smiled, looking into her eyes. He had waited for this moment for far too long, and now here he was.

"hey." she said, returning the smile. She didn't wanna lead him on, making him believe that she was here for him in any other way besides a friend. "People are staring, should we go down to our spot by the river, then we can chat?"

"sounds good." he said as he hopped in the passenger side.

They barely said a word the entire drive, but it was a comfortable silence. Rayna couldn't help but notice how truly clear his eyes looked, and how healthy he was. He was glowing, and she wondered in that moment if she had made the right decision by not waiting for him, letting him and their relationship go. She didn't have to much time to over think it as soon enough they were pulling up to their spot. Their _picnic table_.

They both made their way down to the table, Deacon once again jumping the wall. He had more spring in his step than she had possibly ever seen. It was like he was cleansed.

"So..." he started as he perched up on the wooden table, grabbing her hand to help stable her as she did the same. "whats been happening since iv'e been gone?"

Rayna couldn't look him in the eye so instead she just let her eyes fall onto the softly flowing stream in front of them. "ah, no, you first." she nervously laughed.

"Okay, well, this time around, i think its really worked. It was a different system, and more supportive staff..." he said, as he rested his elbows on his knees. "it feels different. I feel different."

In that moment her heart sunk. This time his positivity was even different, its like he really tried to make this work, like he really put in all his efforts to get sober. "Really?" she choked back her emotions.

"Yeah, i mean, i just feel almost like a new man, and damn it feels good." he smiled, before turning his head to look at her. That's when he noticed a few stray tears had fallen onto her cheeks. "hey, hey, whats the matter?"

She quickly wiped at them, taking a breath in the process, not wanting to break down completely right now. She had to be strong for herself and for her baby. _Their_ baby. She just shook her head, not wanting to look into his eyes, or at him at all.

"Ray..what is it?" he almost seemed worried now. He thought she'd be happy that he was out, and that he was feeling more positive than he probably ever has. "You can tell me anything, okay. Anything at all."

In that moment she decided she doesn't have to speak, she can just show him. She slowly unbuttoned her jacket, his eyes intently watching her fingers unclasping the buttons before she pulled it back, revealing her pregnant belly. She closed her eyes, letting the pooling tears run down her cheeks. She didn't want to see Deacons reaction, but she made her self do it anyway. She looked at him.

"Oh." he said, his heart visibly sinking. "Wow." He clearly wasn't sure what to say, it was like the air had been sucked out of his lungs.

"I'm sorry." was all she could say. The thing was, this was his baby too, but she couldn't tell him that. Her and Teddy had agreed that he would raise their baby as his own, and Deacon would never know the wiser. She felt so bad, and truthfully, all she wanted, and all she had ever wanted was for her an Deacon to be a family. Now she was starting a family with another man, with her an Deacons child, and it felt so wrong to her, but she knew she just had to do it.

"Don't be sorry. Please don't be sorry." he softly smiled, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. He guessed this baby she was carrying was Teddy Conrads. "Teddy's?"

She nodded. She couldn't bring herself to say yes, because it was a complete and utter lie.

"So, are you two back together?" he asked gently, but his voice laced with sadness.

"Yeah, we are. We're getting married in a few days." she said, knowing that would be another blow to his heart.

"Married in a few days..." he said quietly, repeating what she had said, almost for his own benefit.

"the baby's due in a couple weeks, so we figured we'd get married before then." she said, turning to face him, grabbing his hands in his. She wanted to tell him how much she loves him and how sorry she is.

"I thought you were gonna wait for me..." he said, almost making her fall off the table. That one line hit her like a knife to the chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, i just couldn't. I wanted too, so badly, but i had to do this for my own sake. I had to let you go so that you could get better. I was holding you back, Deacon, and we both know it." she cried, as she gripped onto his hands. His skin against hers was so comforting for her and she forgot just how much she needed him, how she honestly doesn't think she could live without him in her life - in some way.

"I understand. Iv'e put you through so much that i honestly don't know how you stayed with me for as long as you did. I would do anything to be the one you're marrying in a few days, my baby that you'll be giving birth too, my lips you'll be kissing to sleep every night...but i get it." he said, tears brimming his eyes as he looked into hers. "I'm just so sorry. For everything."

She leaned over to him and placed a kiss upon his lips. It was so soft and so gentle that she felt like she could just melt into him right here and never leave, but she let go of him. "I love you, Deacon. I always have and i always will, but this is the best decision for both of us."

He just nodded, knowing that she was probably right - like usual. He wondered if he still had his job, if he would still be lead guitarist in her band. He had to know. "Do i still have a job, or should i find something else?"

Rayna hadn't even thought of that and it completely caught her off guard. "um, i'm not sure." she said, clearly her mind wandering over the situation. Her brain suddenly thought that she cant keep him away from her forever, because she is carrying his child. She wanted Deacon to have some sort of connection with him or her, just so that he can see his baby grow up. He wont be missing out completely. "i guess so. I mean, there would have to be boundaries obviously..."

He nodded before looking away to the water. "i know."

"well listen, you're still my lead guitarist if you want to be, but ill let you think about it and you can let me...or Bucky know." she said as she climbed off the table. She felt like she was gonna breakdown at any moment, she knew she had to get away from here.

"Okay, ill think about it."

"Id love to still have you round." she said, knowing it probably sounded so stupid considering everything she had just told him. "anyway, i have to get going. I'm glad you're doing so well, and once again, i'm sorry." she looked at him, into his eyes and noticed how teary they were. She felt so bad.

"You look good, Ray. You look happy." he said, his eyes trailing down to her bump. "You're gonna make such an amazing mama."

She gave him a sad smile, before nodding and walking away. her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest and stood on - numerous times. This wasn't how she wanted things to be. Not at all. All she wanted right now was to turn around, tell Deacon that this baby inside of her was in fact his, an lets be a family, but she cant. It wouldn't be healthy for her to do so, and she has to allow him to stay sober for himself, because clearly he wasn't able to do it with her around. She didn't look back, she just headed straight for her car, got in, and drove away.

She had finally let him go in a romantic aspect, something she didn't think she would ever really be able to bring herself to do. Her head was telling her she was doing the right thing, but her heart was not. This baby she would bring into this world...she wondered if it would look more like her, or more like him. She almost hoped it would be like him in the physical department, so that she could look into their babies eyes, and really see him staring back. It would be painful, but it would be like she had always dreamt.

She had let him go, but if she was honest with herself, she could never _really_ let Deacon Claybourne go.


	3. Chapter 3

**This story was only supposed to be two chapters but I've decided to carry it on. I Guess it'll just be how i wished it had happened. Always grateful for reviews, they keep me wanting to write!**

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It had been three weeks since Deacon had been released from rehab. Three weeks since he had last seen Rayna. Three weeks since she had blown apart any hope of them being together forever. His heart hurt, but he was doing his best to continue on and prove that this time his sobriety would be for keeps. There would be no relapsing.

He had heard from Bucky earlier in the week to discuss details surrounding the band, and him rejoining as lead guitarist. He had been sceptical, and for good reason, but in the end he decided he had to be close to her in some way so that he could show her that he could stay sober, and he was fighting. Fighting for himself and for her. Bucky had told him that there wouldn't be any rehearsal for the next month or so because Rayna had given birth to a little girl. In that moment his heart broke, but also melted at the same time. Imagining Ray as a mother was something that he had thought about before - numerous times. Some were through his drunken haze as they made love, some were as she was laying next to him on the couch, some were as she was cleaning the kitchen in the cabin...he really did think about it a lot. He just hoped it was his daughter she had given birth too, and him that was there with her going through the new parent and newborn phase. What he wasn't aware of, was this little girl was in fact his.

* * *

"i cant believe shes 4 days old." Rayna smiled as she looked at her daughters sleeping face. She was curled up in her arms, as Rayna sat on the couch in her and Teddy's little apartment in East Nashville.

"Neither can i. Shes already grown..." he said as he took a seat next to her. Today he had to go to some business meetings, leaving Rayna to look after their daughter, who they've called 'Maddie', all by herself for the first time. "Anyway i have to get going. Are you sure you're gonna be fine on your own?"

Rayna rolled her eyes. "Yes, of course i'm going to be fine. Go. I've got this covered." she smiled. She was so in love with Maddie, an being a mom that she felt like she could burst. She had always wanted this life. To be a country music singer, with a husband an kids. It was all happening for her, but the only problem was...it was with the wrong man.

"Okay, well, ill ring you at lunchtime an see how you two are going. Remember you need to sleep as well." he leaned over to kiss her quickly before getting up an making his way over to the kitchen counter top an grabbing his keys.

"I know, i know. Trust me, i know how to look after myself." she said, watching him putting on his long trench coat. "You don't have to worry."

"Cant help it." he smiled, before opening the door, an leaving.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Rayna let out the biggest breath she probably ever has. It was like a sigh of relief that he was gone. That she was finally on her own to be herself, to think about everything that's happened the last few weeks without him constantly in her face. She was grateful for him and everything he was doing for her to give her the life she wanted and the stability she wanted, but it was too much. She leaned her head back against the couch, closing her eyes for a minute. Her mind wandered to that moment three weeks ago when she told Deacon about the pregnancy and the marriage - the pain in his eyes, the hurt, the heartbreak. She wanted more than anything in that second to grab his hand an place it on her stomach, telling him that this was his baby inside her. That she wanted to make a proper go of it this time and work through all the challenges together, but she didn't. Instead she went along with Teddy's idea of telling everyone the baby is his. She was now stuck in this life that she didn't want. Stuck in a marriage that really was more a formal, traditional way of tying Rayna down. She felt sick. This baby in her arms was the one thing keeping her sane. Before the birth she had wondered if it would look like her or Deacon, and it looked like him. Maddie had his eyes, his nose, his hair...definitely a daddy's girl. She was thankful, but also looking into Maddie's eyes was hard. All she could see was him. The man she would always wish was by her side through all of this.

Rayna placed Maddie in her moses basket in front of her, letting her sleep. Rayna wanted to do the same but she knew she couldn't. She had too many thoughts swirling around her brain at once, an it felt like she would never experience sleep again. Her mind kept wandering to Deacon, and this massive secret she was currently keeping. She suddenly had this moment where she thought, is Deacon okay? Is he still sober? She had no idea. She hadn't spoken to him since the picnic table. She needed to know, because although she had married Teddy, put his name on the birth certificate, and moved into his apartment with him...she wanted Deacon. If she could look into his eyes and see what lay beneath them, then she may know what to do about this horrible feeling of guilt, and the pain of living a life she didn't want. Without thinking, she picked up her phone, scrolled to Deacons name, and dialled it.

"Hey." he said almost straight away. She wasn't expecting him to pick up so soon.

"Hey." she replied, now not really knowing what to say.

Deacon was happy she had called, but he wasn't sure what to say considering they hadn't communicated in any way, shape or form since they met by the river at their picnic table. "Um, how are you?"

Rayna hesitated for a moment. "I'm good, yeah i'm really good. I just wanted to let you know that i have a daughter, i gave birth 4 days ago." She didn't want to upset him or rub it in, but she needed him. She wanted him. She felt at home with him.

"Yeah i heard from Bucky the other day, congratulations Ray. I should have called when i found out but i thought you'd probably be in your own little newborn world." he smiled as he spoke. The image of her holding her baby melting his heart.

Before Rayna could even think about what she was gonna say next, she was speaking. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over, meet her? My daughter." she asked. She just got silence on the other end of the line, he had gone silent. "Oh you know what, that was probably a stupid idea, i'm sorry."

"No, no. Id love too, Ray." he said. He had emotion in his voice, something that wasn't sadness, but pure happiness at the fact she was still including him in her life despite everything. "when were you thinking?"

"Now. I'm home alone with her, and i could kinda do with some company other than Teddy." she laughed slightly. The truth is, she not only wanted him to meet _their_ daughter, but he wanted to see how he was. He had never been able to stay sober when she was with him, and she hoped this time would be different.

"Oh, um...yeah i can do now." he said as he grabbed his keys off the coffee table. "Ill be there soon."

"Okay." she smiled, before hanging up. She looked down at _their_ daughter an tears filled her eyes. All she could see in Maddie was Deacon and herself. This little human they created that special night at the cabin which Deacon cant even remember, and that broke her heart. She wished more than anything that they were up at the cabin right now, laying on their bed with Maddie between them. The three of them - that was how it was supposed to be. She brushed her fingers along Maddies cheek, letting a tear fall down her own.

She made her self something to eat, because it felt like she hadn't eaten in years. A sandwich was all she wanted, so that's what she had. She leaned her elbows against the kitchen counter. She was so tired, and so emotionally drained that she wasn't sure why she even asked Deacon to come over. It was in the spur of the moment. She wanted to see him more than anything but she was a wreck. She was standing here with bags under her eyes, hair that hadn't been washed in almost a week, puffy red eyes from not only tiredness, but also crying. She was also living in her dressing gown. She hated being around Teddy in all these states because he was always in his formal suits and never would be seen looking the way she was right now. With Deacon, they would sometimes sit up in the cabin like this for days on end, and they loved it. He's the only person in the whole entire world who she could, and wanted to be her true self around. At that moment she heard a knock on the door, and she knew it was him.

"Come in!" she called out, watching as the handle turned and he appeared, closing it behind him.

He looked good. Real good. Better than she had ever seen him.

He had a pair of black jeans on with one of his red flannels, and his hair was nice an fluffy. It looked like he'd ran some wax through it to make himself look even fresher than he already did. He was to far away to see into his eyes - into his soul.

"Hey." he said, walking closer towards her. Her heart was skipping numerous beats, but it was breaking at the same time. The closer he got, the more she could see into his eyes. They were clear. He was sober. More sober than he ever had been.

"Hey, thanks for coming." she smiled, tightening the tie around the waist of her dressing gown.

"Of course. I wanted to see you, Ray. I wanted to see how you're doing, and of course i wanted to meet your daughter." he smiled, moving slowly towards her - embracing her in a warm hug.

They embraced for longer than was necessary, her not wanting to let go. Not ever. "I've missed you." she mumbled into his chest.

"I've missed you too, but hey, i'm here now." he said as he pulled away, giving her a smile.

Rayna looked into his eyes, trying to figure out whether his sobriety this time was for keeps. She could always see a clouded, darker expression in his eyes when he wasn't committed to his sobriety, or when he was struggling, but this time there was zero cloudiness or darkness, just pure Deacon. The Deacon she fell in love with. It made her so sad that she could have waited for him again, and didn't. The final time she took him to rehab, it worked out, and shes 'moved on'. It made her regret her decision to be with Teddy more than anything.

"Anyway, how are you?" he asked as he leaned his body against the kitchen counter, watching her. She took a seat on the breakfast bar stool.

She knew the only person in the whole entire world she could be honest with is Deacon. He knew how she was feeling most of the time by just looking into her eyes, so she couldn't really get away with saying shes 'fine' when he will know full well she isn't.

Rayna looked away for a moment, tears forming in her eyes. "Yeah...not good." She choked back tears.

"Whats the matter?" he asked, as he continued to lean against the kitchen counter. All he wanted to do right now was wrap her in his arms and hold her for eternity, but he had to keep those boundaries clean, like Rayna had said back at the picnic table.

She didn't wanna look him in the eye, but she did. She hated lying to him about Maddie, and every day that passed was making it harder an harder to cope with. "Just...everything. The only good thing right now is Maddie. I mean i've gone an married some man i don't even love just to protect myself from my love for you..." she blurted, without thinking.

Deacons eyes widened. "You married Teddy...because of me?"

She looked away, closing her eyes and letting tears fall from her eyes.

"Ray...you've had a baby with him..surely there's something between ya'll?" he softly asked.

"No, i mean we've had a baby, but other than that, there's not much love from my end for him. Hes a great guy to me, but i just...its not what i wanted, Deacon." she cried. "...i wanted you."

Deacon knew in this moment the boundaries were going to be crossed, and he hated himself for it, but right now it was clear to the both of them that they needed that closeness. She needed held by him, and she needed to cry into his chest. He guided her over to the couch, sitting down next to her and letting her sit across his lap, her head in the crook of his neck. "I know you wanted me. I know you did. I let you down, and i'm so sorry."

Rayna tilted her head up at him, locking her eyes with his. "Why couldn't you stay sober? For me?" she sobbed. Her voice was broken. "I need you."

_I need you. _Those words pierced his heart completely. He needed her too, more than anything. "Ray..." he paused. "I don't know why. I think this disease was just eating me alive, and i couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, besides you. I thought id have you forever so i didn't have to worry about losing you, but i should have known better."

She lent her head back against his neck. "I think the only way for you to get through it, was for me to leave." she explained.

"I think you're right, which is why this.." he pointed between them and their current position "this has to stop."

She let tears slip onto his shirt. "i know."

"Listen you'll be okay, Ray. I know you will be." he smiled, while planting a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm still your lead guitarist, so that's something." he winked.

She laughed amid her sobs, bringing a smile to both their faces. "I'm gonna miss these moments between us." she said softly. The truth is, she still wasn't sure this whole teddy marriage thing was the right thing. Her head was saying yes, but her heart was without a doubt saying no. This moment was just confirming to her just how safe and at peace she feels in his arms.

"So am i."

"Anyway, you're yet to meet my daughter." she smiled, climbing off Deacon, and walking down the hallway of her an teddy's apartment to the bedroom, where she picked Maddie up, and made her way back down towards Deacon. His eyes lit up.

He was lost for words, seeing her with this little baby. He had seen her with Scarlett many times and always thought what an incredible mother she would make one day, and now here she is standing in front of him with her own daughter. "Here we are. This is Maddie." she smiled as she cradled her. "Maddie, meet your uncle Deacon." she said as she passed her into his arms, much to his shock. He wasn't expecting that.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, i'm sure." she nodded, placing her carefully into Deacons loving arms. He held Maddie with so much love and care and he thought his heart might burst. She thought this moment, him meeting his daughter, would break her, but it did the opposite. it confirmed to her just how much the three of them were meant to be together. A family. It warmed her heart.

"Shes beautiful." he whispered. "Looks like you."

"Really?" she asked, knowing full well she actually looked like him. She obviously couldn't tell him that.

"Yeah, really. Thank god, i mean Teddy isn't much of a looker." he smirked.

"Hey!" she playfully slapped his arm. "He's alright."

"Alright, yeah. Nothing on you though."

She smiled at his comments. Whenever he called her beautiful, she felt her heart physically constrict.

Deacon took a seat on the couch, and Rayna sat next to him, watching as he smiled down at Maddie, running his finger across her nose and tiny facial features. "you did good, Ray. Making this little one."

"I did, didn't i." she smirked, before getting up and making her way into the kitchen, grabbing herself a drink of water. She looked over at Deacon and Maddie and watched as he lifted her up in the air, poking faces at her. This was what she had always dreamt of. He was so good with babies and children, and she knew he would make the most incredible father.

Rayna made her way back over to the couch, plonking herself down next to him. "I cant believe i'm a mom."

"You are, you're a natural." he smiled, as Maddie started to cry in his arms. He rocked her, trying to settle her down, and it worked. Not only is she a natural, but so is he. "shhh."

Rayna watched as Maddie fell asleep in his arms. Her fathers arms. It was probably the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. Ever since her and Teddy had bought Maddie home 3 days ago, Maddie had never fell asleep in Teddy's arms, and she knew the day that she did would feel nothing like this. Deacon looked at her, a look of accomplishment crossing his face.

"I think she likes me..." he smirked. He looked back down at Maddie and ran his thumb along her cheek. "I cant believe how beautiful she is."

"Neither can i." Rayna smiled, placing her hand on Maddie's tummy.

"well..." Deacon said. "I can believe it actually. She came from you, and you're beautiful."

Rayna tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and gave him a shy smile. She didn't say anything because she didn't want to get any further into betraying Teddy. Not that she had yet, in any way, but she felt like she was doing the wrong thing by not telling him that Deacon was here.

Deacon sensed things were heading into the no turning back territory, and knew he had to leave why he was still able to. "I better go." he whispered, still watching Maddie.

"You don't have too.." Rayna said, looking up at him. She saw a look of shock cross Deacons face, and she realised just what he thought she meant. "Oh! Not like that...i meant...never mind."

He smiled at her embarrassment, before passing Maddie back to her. He felt like this little baby was made of glass, and she could break so easily. "I have places to be, but thank you for letting me come around, its been nice."

"It has." she stood up, watching him do the same. "I guess ill see you in a few weeks when we get back in the studio and practise for tour."

He nodded, almost feeling to out of breath to speak. She took his breath away. Seeing her there holding her daughter, looking so incredibly beautiful. It made him so mad for ever letting this go. Ever causing her so much pain that she felt she had to have this life with someone else. he was too late though, and he knew it. "yeah, see you, Ray." he smiled, before heading towards the door.

"Thank you for being here." she called out just before he shut the door behind him.

"anytime." was the last thing he said before leaving. She now felt a sense of emptiness wash over her. The last 9 months without him in her life had been such an adjustment and some days she didn't feel like herself at all. The truth was, Deacon made her feel like herself. Back before his alcoholism took over their lives, they had the most magical relationship. Sure there was the odd fight, her daddy sticking his beak in, her sister doing the same, but she enjoyed how simple life had been for them. She missed that, she missed sober deacon.

She had run herself a bath to try relax. The past few days had been pretty stress free, but now the burden of her lie was eating her alive. She so badly just wanted to give in to her heart and go tell Deacon that Maddie was his, and live happily ever after. But it wasn't that simple. She now had a husband who she had promised to never go against this lie. To never tell Deacon.

Teddy would be home soon so she wanted to just have some alone time, in this hot water, thinking about everything. She wanted to have a little bit of Rayna time. The past 8 or so months, Teddy had been in her face almost every minute of every single day. It had helped her overcome the thought of Deacon being in rehab and the fact she was carrying his child, but as Deacons release started looming, it became so much harder to block that out. It became impossible. The last time she had a bath was about a week before Maddie was born and Teddy had insisted he be in the bathroom with her 'in case anything happened' to her. Now, today, she was finally alone and able to reflect on the past few months without interruption.

Her mind wandered back to this morning. How Deacon was definitely sober. How he held her as she cried. How he held his daughter for the first time. How it felt like it was meant to be. Nothing had ever felt so right. She then remembered back to a year before Deacons best mate Vince died, when they were happier than ever.

_"I love it up here." Rayna said as she swung her legs out of the bed of Deacons truck. He had brung her to a secluded spot on top of a hill, overlooking Nashville. There was never anyone here when they came up because it was down a gravel road in the middle of nowhere._

_"Me too." he smiled, jumping up to join her on the bed of his truck with a fluffy blanket to keep them warm from the cool breeze. "this is our spot, baby."_

_Rayna lent into his side, his arm finding its way around her waist to keep her close. The last year for them had been so good. They'd gotten further with their music, been playing more and more gigs around Nashville. They were being recognised by bigger names and writing up a storm. Rayna was also releasing a solo album and had her own manger, Bucky Dawes. Rayna was more at the forefront these days, with Deacon and Vince as her guitarists, but her and Deacon still performed with each other more than not. Their future was looking amazing._

_"Are you happy?" Deacon suddenly asked, catching Rayna off guard. _

_Rayna looked at him. "Why do you ask?"_

_He ran his hand up her arm, turning his body so he was facing her. "I just want to make sure you're happy, baby. We've been so caught up in our music and creating our career that we haven't really focused on us." he smiled. "You seem happy, but i just want to know i guess."_

_She smiled at him before lightly bumping her shoulder against his. "I'm happy." she whispered. "I'm really happy, babe."_

_Deacon tucked her hair behind her ear softly, before leaning in and placing his lips on hers. He pulled back and watched as her eyes slowly fluttered open. "Good, because so am i."_

_She ran her thumb over his light stubble on his chin before sliding herself up to the back of the bed of the truck, indicating for Deacon to do the same. They snuggled up in the blanket, Rayna's head in Deacons side and his hand stroking her hair as they looked out at the city of Nashville. "Do you ever think about the future?" She asked, continuing to look out at the city._

_He didn't turn to look at her, because he felt so content in the position they were in. "All the time." he confessed. "Do you?"_

_She didn't reply for a good few seconds before realising that he was now looking at her, almost waiting for an answer. "yeah." she turned to look at him, her eyes looking straight into his. "I think about our future." she smiled shyly._

_He stole a quick kiss, smiling into it before settling back to simply looking into his eyes. "What do you envision?"_

_Rayna almost felt embarrassed for telling him she thought about their future. She wasn't sure why, she thought it was probably because she didn't know if he had done the same. She didn't want to scare him away, but she doubted she could ever do that anyway. "I envision..." she sighed before breaking eye contact. "umm..."_

_"Hey." he whispered, placing his hand under her chin, tilting it up so she was looking at him. "Tell me, baby."_

_"You really wanna know?" she asked, almost surprised. She never really had anyone in her life that was truly interested in what she thought. Deacon was the only one who ever had been, but they never spoke about the future, unless it was music based. They just went with the flow. _

_Deacon nodded. He could tell Rayna was a little shy, but he didn't want her to be. He had also thought about their future. It was something that was always in his head._

_"I envision us buying a little house together, touring the country, getting married..." she watched as the smile on his face grew bigger than she thought she may have ever seen. "and just being together forever."_

_Deacon pulled Rayna into his arms, her sitting in between his legs, his arms around her stomach holding her close. "Ah, baby." he smiled against her ear. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"yeah." he ran his hand across her stomach. "I've imagined the exact same."_

_"wait?" she placed her hands over his. "You have?"_

_"I have." he smiled, placing a soft kiss to her neck. He didn't really know much about what he wanted in life, besides Rayna. He wanted Rayna and Music. That's all that matters. There was one other thing that he had thought about frequently, but he didn't want to scare her away or make her feel pressured in any way. He gently lifted her shirt up with and placed his hand on her bare stomach. His fingers gently grazed against her soft skin. "Have you ever..."_

_Rayna waited for more to his sentence, but nothing. It was like he was scared to continue. She lent her head back against his chest and placed a hand on his thigh. His was still grazing her stomach. "have i ever what?" she whispered, her breath hitching at the feel of his hand on her bare stomach._

_"have you ever thought of...having kids?" he asked, almost worried she'd say no. They'd never talked about kids, not ever. He loved them though. He treated his niece Scarlett like his own but he had never really thought about having his own until Rayna came along._

_Rayna turned her head upwards to face him. She felt a surge of love shoot through her veins. "What?" she whispered, locking eyes with him.  
_

_He felt stupid. He wished he had never said anything. He didn't know what was running through her head right now, but he wished more than anything it was nothing bad. "forget i said anything, Ray."_

_Rayna placed her hand on his face, staring into his eyes with nothing but love. "No, what did you just say Deacon? Tell me again."_

_"Have you ever thought about having kids?" he gulped. "But, ray, don't worry, i shouldn't have said anything."_

_Rayna smiled at him, tears filling her eyes. "no babe, i have thought about it."_

_His eyes shot back to hers, looking into her soul. he wasn't expecting that. "Really?"_

_She nodded up at him, his hands stilled on her stomach. "I have. I'm guessing you have too?"_

_"Yeah." he simply said, placing a gentle kiss on her lips, smiling against her. "I've imagined a little mini Rayna Jaymes running around..."_

_"How about a mini Deacon Claybourne.." she winked. _

_"Well yeah, that would be cute, wouldn't it." he ran his hand through his hair seductively. _

_Rayna smacked his arm. "babe!"_

_"No but seriously, before i met you, i never thought about having kids, but now i couldn't think of anything more amazing, and that's all down to you. I truly cant imagine going through life without you." Deacon ran his thumb across her cheek._

_"Me either. I know i cant ever be without you, you complete me." she smiled before they got lost in each other above the city of Nashville._

Rayna snapped back into reality with the sound of the bathroom door opening. She opened her eyes to come face to face with Teddy looking down at her in the bath. She was thankful the bubbles were covering everything because she had felt very self conscious about her body since the birth. The truth was, she had never felt comfortable around anyone fully besides Deacon. He was her first, and she had felt so at ease and safe in his arms, but with Teddy she didn't. She wondered if she ever would, but even having him looking down at her in the bath made her feel uneasy.

"Hey sweetheart." Teddy said, bending down beside the bath and dipping his hand in to feel the temperature. "You look relaxed."

"yeah, i am." she smiled. She was before he came in anyway.

She was so grateful for him, she really was. He had given her stability when she needed it most, but most of all he gave her a distraction from Deacon and her constant intense love for him. When he had suggested that he could raise Maddie up as his own, she couldn't believe it. She felt like it was the only option to escape from Deacon so she took it. She took his proposal of marriage too, for the same reason. Now laying here in this bath, having thought back to such a special moment up above the city of Nashville when she was 22, she realised what a mistake she had made. Part of her would even rather be a single mom than be with a man she didn't love. She didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to do something.


End file.
